The Wheatsheaf Off licence - Ashford, Kent

Technique:
Asked owner if he could change the £1 note into something more useful like real money.

Result:
Laughed out of the store.

Notes:
Vendor has closely inspected all cash transactions made by myself ever since event occurred.

Adsa - Ashford, Kent

Technique:
Stuck fake money into self serve machine in vein hope that it thought it was a fiver or something.

Result:
Cashier was alerted by machine and then alerted "Customer Services".

Notes:
"Customer Services" Informed me that they would have to get it checked with various members of staff which took in excess of 13 minutes at which point I was informed that they could not accept it as real money.